The Art of Stalking: Part I

Stalking has lost it's true art form because it has almost become too easy with social media. Where did all of the girls go who cut off that guy's lock of hair while he was sleeping in class? Where did all of the boys go who watched his crush during her track meet without anyone knowing? Now that is real, old time, high school stalking back in the day when they did it the right way. The good stuff that you see in old films, or your dad tells you he did when he was a young lad. Then there is the "college-age and over" old time stalking. Now that just gets weird if you ask me. I mean, look at this....

They even had a book about it. This is from the 1950's. 

Then it became a real magazine for men entitled "The Girl Watcher". With tips and advice on how to snatch up any girl you wanted. 

I was shocked when I saw this. How could this be for real? That picture is of a man pulling a girls hair (a big "no no" in any circumstance) and then the other is of him throwing her over his shoulder like a sac of potatoes. I guess it was in the 50s... but still! I thought these men had class, but apparently they still had trouble dealing with their feelings.

Here's one of my most favorite segments from this particular article.  (Please sense my sarcasm.)

I don't even know how to comment on this. It's just... a little for much for me to handle. The feminist in me is coming out. So insert your own comment here (or below if you really want me to read your comment): ___________________________________________________. 

Okay... Moving on. 

My story is a combination of new-age FB stalking, and a little bit of your good old time face-to-face stuff. You know, the kind above that really classifies one as a creepy stalker. 

It starts out one Fall Semester when I was in a lab for one of my classes. This lab was huge and had way too many students in it, so I didn't know very many people. I had a Facebook friend request from a guy in my class at the end of the semester. I knew of him because of this class and our same majors, but had never talked to him in my life. I accepted because of this reason, and didn't think too much harm could come from it. Now looking back, I'm going to be a little more picky with who I let me by Facebook friend. Once I accepted he started liking my posts and pictures, and even commenting on a few things here and there. I thought it was a little strange because I seriously didn't know him at all, but didn't think too much of it besides that.

Nine months later... (yes, nine) I get a message on Facebook from this young man. I was very surprised by this because like I said before... I've never talked to this kid in my life. He asked if he could interview me for one of his classes. It was for extra credit. I accepted, just to be nice and to do a favor for a good ol' Facebook friend. I felt a little uncomfortable with this because he was a sort of awkward about it but he set up a time and a place, and we met.

We sat down and there was this super uncomfortable bubble around us. The worst part of it was that I was stuck in this bubble for the next while. I hoped it wouldn't be too long so I could skedaddle out of there ASAP. We started with some awkward small talk, and I could tell he felt a little antsy. He pulled out a typed up list of 20 questions to ask me. He seemed very prepared for this whole entire interview... a little too prepared that it seemed over bearing.  After the questions were over he told me about a conference call over at our school with a company that I had interned with over the summer. I really wanted to go, so I did. Unfortunately he wanted to go too.  

After the conference, I went and talked to the Professor. The guy had already left the room and I thought "phew, I don't have to talk to him".   I walked out of the class, and guess who was standing outside waiting for me. Yup. Our good friend the interviewer. I thought I was off the hook, but obviously I thought wrong. He walked up to me and said,

"Hey, I need to talk to you."

          "Okay...."

"But we need to go outside."

We proceeded to go outside and I am pretty sure I wanted to be anywhere else but with this guy. I felt super uncomfortable, especially the way he was going about doing all of this. I racked my brain wondering what he possibly had to talk to me about. 

"So, I have a confession... (dun dun dun....) That interview was completely made up. I just wanted an excuse to talk to you in person."

THIS IS FOR REAL. I about died. As he elaborated on his confession I completely tuned him out because I was in shock! I had NO idea how I was supposed to respond to him and I was even more weirded out at the fact that he planned a FAKE interview just to talk to me. I was living one of those crazy stories you hear from your roommates, roommates, roommate.  After a few minutes of his bantering, it was finally my turn to chime in. 

There are only a few times in life where a girl is allowed to lie to a guy and tell him she is dating someone, when she really is not. This is one of those times.

I said, "Okay, this is really weird. I'm actually dating someone right now, so this puts me in an uncomfortable situation. I'm flattered and all, but I am not comfortable with this. I have to go."

So I went. 

I got back to work to find this message from him on Facebook (and then I responded). 

(Names have been blacked out for confidentiality)

I just didn't have the heart to tell him that I wasn't really dating someone and that it was for his stalker ways.... 

Let's just talk about a few things for a minute. 

First off... this whole thing is weird because we still had never talked to each other face to face until this interview. 

Secondly, if a guy seriously has a preconceived plan to fake an interview because he doesn't have the guts to truly ask you out... then he may have just lost his man card. I know, I know... asking girls out is scary. But come on, guys. His "creative ways" were just taken too far into the creepy zone.  

Thirdly, where in the right mind of the male population did someone tell him this was okay to do? I would've hoped his roommates could have given him some manly advice and said "Not cool, bro. Not cool" before he went ahead with the deed. 


As I am walking out from work, I get a text from him (this guy never gives up.)

          If you weren't dating anyone, would you go out with me?

I obviously didn't text back. So an hour later, I got this text:

                        That text was sent by my roommate. Haha my bad.
                           (Yeah right that was your roommate.) 


Here's to "tiny mistakes", losing man cards, and stalking at it's finest.