Elephants.

Because life likes to make things awkward, I of course have to see him every week-- at least. We sit next to each other at our weekly board meetings.  It's been almost six months sense we were O-V-E-R but we, in my opinion, have adjusted quite well pretending like nothing ever happened. Oh, and I must mention that I am now dating someone new. 

The president of our board announced that I had "something really exciting to tell everyone!!" It had all to do with my responsibilities on the board, and nothing at all to do with my personal life.

Someone exclaimed, "Are you engaged?!?!" which then started a ripple effect of gasps, "you're engaged??"'s and other hullabaloo. 

And then an elephant walked into the room and sat right next to me and said "ex". 

I could feel him squirming in his seat, and I felt similar. He stared down at the table and didn't look up at all while the commotion went on. I could feel the distress radiating off of him. All of my hard work avoiding the subject of "new boyfriend" in front of him just flew out the window in about one minute. I felt so awful trying to imagine how uncomfortable he must have felt at that moment. I never had intentions to rub it in that I now was dating someone who was not him.  I quickly tried to defer the subject away from my personal life and back to business matters, telling everyone that I was not engaged.

I was SO close to passing him a note but I was not sure if it was just make things worse, so I didn't. Plus what would I have said?... "Sorry that everyone was asking if I was engaged to someone who is not you because we are not dating anymore and things just got extra awkward because it was not that long ago and we didn't ever have closure with it all and things didn't end as well as they could have with us." 

 Instead I gave the elephant some peanuts and sent him on his way. 

I feel like loving innocent, giddy love.

He called me on a Sunday night, and told me he was picking me up in 10 minutes. I got in his pick up truck and he started to drive up the mountain. We went to the look out spot that had a panoramic view of the whole valley. This look out was known by everyone in my town as "Make Out Point", but I think in all of high school I had ever only followed those rules once. 

Once we arrived to the abandoned parking lot. We parked facing the view, and he kept the keys in the ignition with the lights on. A new burnt CD was playing with songs that we now look back on with fond memories.  

"Okay, put the CD to Track 7 and turn up the volume as loud as it can go." He hopped out to the front of the car with a little bounce in his step. He knew that he was about to win some major kudos. 

I did as I was told. And THIS song came on:

(Turn up your speakers for full blog post effect)

I sat there for an awestruck second with a smile from ear to ear. We looked at each other and my eyes said, "You didn't just do that. You are too cute" and his said, "Oh, yes I did. Please come out of the car now."

I got out and walked up to him.  

Then, as the song commands, we danced in the moonlight. He dipped me. We laughed. I was oblivious to the other few people that were probably watching us-- they were just jealous. 

We had so much fun, that we danced for another three songs. 

I don't get giddy very often. But that night, I was. He brought it right out of me. And after 3 years we still talk about it. We both brag about it to our friends, too. 

That moment goes down in the books. 
It's a reminder that it's the little things that matter most, and that get me the most.
It's a reminder that love doesn't have to be extravagant or flashy. 
It reminds me to go back to what's important.  

Oh, the irony.

It had been a while since I responded to his letter which I had been honest, blunt and upfront in. He said he appreciated the blatant truth, but I think I took a stab at his pride. 

                       Rightfully so.

Things right now in a normal world, should be awkward, a little at least. Especially since we've been broken up for five months.

So, why is he sitting next to me at the library right now?  

No, first off... why did he even invite me? 

Hopefully I'm being a girl and over thinking it, and all he wanted was some nice company... and he happened to want me be his company.

Right? That's all it is. 

Except my brother-in-law would tell me that ex-boyfriends don't just come around to be friends. I'm going to stick with the "nice company" theory.

After not being around someone for a long time, that you normally were around a lot, you remember little quirks they had. You remember the way they would look around the room, you remember their sarcasm and the way they wore v-necks. How he would act so nonchalant about life's misfortunes and laugh with his head rolled back. Then, there's the occasional comment from him to me like, "Is it fine that I'm using words I don't know?" 

I should miss him. I should want to go back to how it was. 

But, I don't. 

I am completely fine sitting here, in different chairs while he writes is 11 page paper on Fat Oxidation, and I write a blog post about him.

Instead of telling our young people to plan ahead, we should tell them to plan to be surprised. -Dan in Real Life

The Dating Game always seems to be a cliche that you hear about, but never truly experience. Until you do. Then you realize that all of these "he says, she says" stories can in fact, be fact. At least to some varying degree. It's a little surprising when this happens.

You were so surprised to hear his voice on the other end of the phone after you thought you'd only see him at one or two group reunions commemorating your month-long study trip you happened to both go on. You had thought he was the only cute one the whole time, but never thought anything would happen when you would hit the homeland. Especially since he had chosen to flirt with some of the "unavailables" the whole time, and you thought that was really weird. He was out of your mind. But then you hear his words come through the other line that say:

"I should have asked you out when I came to pick up my luggage at your house a week ago."

You were surprised, but you said yes.

He picks you up, and you reminisce over Italian pizza. He is much funnier in this setting, and seems more at ease than you had noticed before. He makes comments alluding to "not making a move before" and you are still surprised that he called you five days earlier in the first place. You wanted to know what his intentions were, because you never can assume the obvious.

He walks you to the door, saying on the way, "This didn't feel like a first date at all" and you know why.

You are even more surprised that when you go in for a hug, he goes in for a kiss. Which then results in him kissing your lower left cheek. You thought in your 5 years of dating you had done pretty well to avoid that awkward situation, but then realize it has to happen at least once to everyone. This had just been your time.

You walk inside even more surprised at how the past week has turned out-- never imagining this. You stare blankly at the floor for what felt like 79 seconds wondering if that had just really happened. Then you realize you're going to have to tell your roommates how the date went, ending with, "He kissed me. Well, he first missed my lips, but then I let him do a redo. It takes a lot of guts to kiss a girl."

You're surprised that during the second date, he holds your hand in public. He's charming and you roast mini marshmallows with toothpicks and a tea light.  You still have no idea what his intentions are because he lacks the ability to let any form of feelings slip from his lips. The only form of anything coming from his lips that night didn't miss this time. 

You're again surprised that he doesn't contact you for a whole week.  Then, when you see him at the reunion like you always thought you would, it was awkward. So you decided to be a big girl and go say hi to him, because he wouldn't say hi to you. There was still a white elephant in the room that only you two were aware of, but you feel like you played it out pretty well.

You thought that because you gave the courtesy of honesty to other guys in the past, Karma would makes its rounds to you. But Karma doesn't, so you decide to drop it. It's not worth stressing over someone who doesn't make an effort after stealing a couple of kisses. Even though it's annoying and goes against your code.

Though time has passed, you're surprised that you still wonder of his previous intentions. You wonder if it was something you did or said, or didn't do or didn't say. You wonder if his intentions were to fulfill pressure from the outside expectations. You're then surprised that you've become one of those girls who has insecurities about a boy who stopped talking to you. That makes you disgusted with yourself, because you are exceptionally good at not caring. So then you go back to not caring.

You weren't surprised to find out that the reoccurring theme in your life is indeed becoming more and more of a fact.

Breaking hearts= not fun.

This song stings a little. Especially because it was dedicated to me by a boy I had broken up with a few months prior. 

I still feel like a jerk.