Thursday, November 29, 2012

Mustang Boy.

I am often surprised at how much thought and effort a gentleman will take in creating a romantic or cute scenario to make the ladies swoon. I guess I always imagined in my brain that these moments are 100% random, with dramatic music, perfect sunsets and love bubbling over that these things just happen with absolutely no effort! But unfortunately I, as well as all of you, don't live in The Notebook.


This is great. Really great. But how could everything be cued perfectly? The rain... the boat... topic of conversation ("I wrote you 365 letters.")... time of day... in a cute row boat... having the stunning Rachel McAdams at your fingertips...




I mean... let's get real. 



I hate to break it to you ladies, but Ryan Gosling, in all of his glory and Abercrombie abs, did not stumble upon this wondrous moment (you all know what moment I'm talking about) by happenstance. 

It was planned. And for Ryan, it wasn't even planned by him. He can pay people to create these moments for him. Or, he gets casts in a movie where the director does all of the planning. 

Anyways. What I'm trying to get at is that boys have to plan these cute scenarios.  Sometimes they turn out perfectly. Sometimes it's a disaster. Sometimes it's creepy. And sometimes it's so cheesy that it's cute. So we have to give credit, where credit is due. These men are trying! 

So let me give out some credit:

This one time I kissed a boy (well he kissed me). And as I walked him out to his car, he asked me a question. 

"Have you ever kissed someone on a Mustang?"

Indeed, I had not. 


But now I have. 



My family told me that if I ever married this boy that they would never let him live his 'manly moment' down. 

Lucky for him, he just married someone else. 

                               But I get to keep this awesome story to tell to my children.


So thank you, Mustang Boy, for preconceived notions that were so perfectly thought out. 



(Not to brag or anything, but yes, I did kiss a boy on the hood of this beauty.)

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

The Art of Stalking: Part II

Stalk  /stȯk/ To follow and/or spy on someone you have feelings for. Those feelings need not be of a kind and loving nature. People who stalk are usually obsessed with the stalkee.

It is interesting that stalking is a huge part of dating. It sounds creepy, but you all know you do it. With Facebook, Instagram, Spotify, Blogs and Twitter it has become more than easy to check out that guy in your English class who is too hipster for his own good. But you still think he's hot because he wears gingham-collared shirts and black skinny ties, listened to Imagine Dragons before you even knew who they were, uses the Nashville filter on his Instagrams of him playing with his nieces, has the most creative hashtags (#cantwaittobeadad), and supports Jef Holm and People Water



My Story

I was dating a boy again who I had dated about six months earlier. We had met in one of my classes and would walk to our next class together afterwords. We stopped dating and both moved on to the next good thing that came up.

When we started dating again, he told me the most interesting story...

He met a girl a few months after we parted ways the first time, and started dating her. A few weeks in, she started to be really clingy and needy-- which no one is a fan of. He decided he needed to break up with her so they went on a drive.

In her hopes to be "cute" she told him that before they had ever met she would follow him from one of his classes. "You were walking with another girl and would have the most intelligent conversations. I thought you were so cute."

He did not think this was entirely flattering, but a little stalkerish. Maybe if they had gotten married later she could have been like, "Husband- I used to follow you and I thought you were so cute before I even knew you" and that could have cute potential. 

Because of her 'cute stalking', he didn't have the guts to break up with her that night. 

He told me this story, and immediately I said, "She was stalking us, huh! We were the ones that she followed!" We both laughed and gave ourselves a nice pat on the back for engaging in such intelligent conversation that apparently catches the eye of our fellow peers.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Warm Up Girl

The other day I was talking to my mother about my dating life. It is always a fun topic to talk with my mom about because I always get her perspective on the boys I go out with. The bonus is that her past dating experiences trickle into the conversation. It's good to know that my mom was a hot commodity in college.  

I was telling her about my track record-- because it's a pretty great one. Great for others, maybe not so much for me. So here is what it is:

Over the last year and a half I'd say about 85% or more of the guys I have even remotely "dated" have either

a) gotten a girlfriend
b) gotten a wife

                                  right after dating me.

While telling my mom this, she told me I was a "Warm Up Girl". Just warming all of the boys up for real, serious relationships. We decided I could make a VERY successful business out of this.


Are you sick of being single? 
Is the Provo push for marriage getting to you?
Does dating suck?

Well I have a solution for you!
I am the Warm Up Girl, and I am here to help!
With an 85% success rate, the next girl you start dating
after dating me will become your S.O. 
(to varying degrees).

Call for your a free trial/date! 

The Warm Up Girl
 Warming you up to meet the love of your life. 


Sounds pretty appealing to me. Maybe I'll look into that. Anyone interested? 

Monday, November 5, 2012

Things you should never...

hear on a first date.

But there is a chance you may hear some of these while living in Happy Valley.

1. I can feel your testimony when you smile.
2. I have anger management issues and I would punch holes in walls in my teens.
3. Waiter, could you split the check?
4. Now we're going to see the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. 
5. I went through a legit gothic stage. I'd use black sharpie to color in my nails.
6. I was AP on my mission.
7. You're way more funny than my ex-boyfriend. 
8. I have a missionary. 
9. When is the last time you bore your testimony? 
10. I really want to get married. 




Saturday, November 3, 2012

The Art of Stalking: Part I

Stalking has lost it's true art form because it has almost become too easy with social media. Where did all of the girls go who cut off that guy's lock of hair while he was sleeping in class? Where did all of the boys go who watched his crush during her track meet without anyone knowing? Now that is real, old time, high school stalking back in the day when they did it the right way. The good stuff that you see in old films, or your dad tells you he did when he was a young lad. Then there is the "college-age and over" old time stalking. Now that just gets weird if you ask me. I mean, look at this....



They even had a book about it. This is from the 1950's. 

Then it became a real magazine for men entitled "The Girl Watcher". With tips and advice on how to snatch up any girl you wanted. 

I was shocked when I saw this. How could this be for real? That picture is of a man pulling a girls hair (a big "no no" in any circumstance) and then the other is of him throwing her over his shoulder like a sac of potatoes. I guess it was in the 50s... but still! I thought these men had class, but apparently they still had trouble dealing with their feelings.

Here's one of my most favorite segments from this particular article.  (Please sense my sarcasm.)


I don't even know how to comment on this. It's just... a little for much for me to handle. The feminist in me is coming out. So insert your own comment here (or below if you really want me to read your comment): ___________________________________________________. 

Okay... Moving on. 


My story is a combination of new-age FB stalking, and a little bit of your good old time face-to-face stuff. You know, the kind above that really classifies one as a creepy stalker. 

It starts out one Fall Semester when I was in a lab for one of my classes. This lab was huge and had way too many students in it, so I didn't know very many people. I had a Facebook friend request from a guy in my class at the end of the semester. I knew of him because of this class and our same majors, but had never talked to him in my life. I accepted because of this reason, and didn't think too much harm could come from it. Now looking back, I'm going to be a little more picky with who I let me by Facebook friend. Once I accepted he started liking my posts and pictures, and even commenting on a few things here and there. I thought it was a little strange because I seriously didn't know him at all, but didn't think too much of it besides that.

Nine months later... (yes, nine) I get a message on Facebook from this young man. I was very surprised by this because like I said before... I've never talked to this kid in my life. He asked if he could interview me for one of his classes. It was for extra credit. I accepted, just to be nice and to do a favor for a good ol' Facebook friend. I felt a little uncomfortable with this because he was a sort of awkward about it but he set up a time and a place, and we met.

We sat down and there was this super uncomfortable bubble around us. The worst part of it was that I was stuck in this bubble for the next while. I hoped it wouldn't be too long so I could skedaddle out of there ASAP. We started with some awkward small talk, and I could tell he felt a little antsy. He pulled out a typed up list of 20 questions to ask me. He seemed very prepared for this whole entire interview... a little too prepared that it seemed over bearing.  After the questions were over he told me about a conference call over at our school with a company that I had interned with over the summer. I really wanted to go, so I did. Unfortunately he wanted to go too.  

After the conference, I went and talked to the Professor. The guy had already left the room and I thought "phew, I don't have to talk to him".   I walked out of the class, and guess who was standing outside waiting for me. Yup. Our good friend the interviewer. I thought I was off the hook, but obviously I thought wrong. He walked up to me and said,

"Hey, I need to talk to you."

          "Okay...."

"But we need to go outside."

We proceeded to go outside and I am pretty sure I wanted to be anywhere else but with this guy. I felt super uncomfortable, especially the way he was going about doing all of this. I racked my brain wondering what he possibly had to talk to me about. 

"So, I have a confession... (dun dun dun....) That interview was completely made up. I just wanted an excuse to talk to you in person."

THIS IS FOR REAL. I about died. As he elaborated on his confession I completely tuned him out because I was in shock! I had NO idea how I was supposed to respond to him and I was even more weirded out at the fact that he planned a FAKE interview just to talk to me. I was living one of those crazy stories you hear from your roommates, roommates, roommate.  After a few minutes of his bantering, it was finally my turn to chime in. 

There are only a few times in life where a girl is allowed to lie to a guy and tell him she is dating someone, when she really is not. This is one of those times.

I said, "Okay, this is really weird. I'm actually dating someone right now, so this puts me in an uncomfortable situation. I'm flattered and all, but I am not comfortable with this. I have to go."

So I went. 
I got back to work to find this message from him on Facebook (and then I responded). 



(Names have been blacked out for confidentiality)

I just didn't have the heart to tell him that I wasn't really dating someone and that it was for his stalker ways.... 

Let's just talk about a few things for a minute. 

First off... this whole thing is weird because we still had never talked to each other face to face until this interview. 

Secondly, if a guy seriously has a preconceived plan to fake an interview because he doesn't have the guts to truly ask you out... then he may have just lost his man card. I know, I know... asking girls out is scary. But come on, guys. His "creative ways" were just taken too far into the creepy zone.  

Thirdly, where in the right mind of the male population did someone tell him this was okay to do? I would've hoped his roommates could have given him some manly advice and said "Not cool, bro. Not cool" before he went ahead with the deed. 


As I am walking out from work, I get a text from him (this guy never gives up.)

          If you weren't dating anyone, would you go out with me?

I obviously didn't text back. So an hour later, I got this text:

                        That text was sent by my roommate. Haha my bad.
                           (Yeah right that was your roommate.) 


Here's to "tiny mistakes", losing man cards, and stalking at it's finest.